


Words I've Heard Before

by RomeandOtherHistory



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: ADHD and Dyslexic Luke, And that ruins his ability to have a good relationship, But his dad tries to be as supportive as possible, But it's more trauma related, He stammers a lot, Hurt/Comfort, I love Juke but I need a wholesome Ruke fic too, I'm bad at tagging pls just read, It's mentioned that Alex is depressed, Luke goes through a sort of depression, Luke is very supportive, Luke was assaulted in his freshman year, M/M, Oneshot, Reggie's deadname is Rachel, Reggie's mom is transphobic, So I'm sorry to all girls named Hannah who are nice people, TW underage alcohol use, The girl who breaks Luke's heart is named Hannah, They're so in love and don't get it, Until Reggie helps him, Use of slur mentioned but I'm not gonna write it bc that even feels mean, Willex appearance, but its really long, trans!Reggie, tw assault, tw depression, tw transphobia, willex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomeandOtherHistory/pseuds/RomeandOtherHistory
Summary: Reggie is trans in 1995, with somewhat-supportive parents who obviously wish he wanted to stay a girl and begrudgingly call him by his proper name and pronouns. Luke is heartbroken and a victim of assault, but...he's a guy. He can't tell anyone what happened to him.2020 is much kinder to them, but Luke is hurting Reggie in a way that he's unaware of, and when Reggie confronts him, Luke can't help but remember words he's said himself so long ago.(IDK why I can't get a good summary but I promise the story is good I wrote it in celebration of my friend getting testosterone)
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), ruke
Comments: 16
Kudos: 90





	Words I've Heard Before

"Rachel." 

Reggie had always hated that name. Even when he was six years old he'd crinkle his nose and ask if he could be called something else. He didn't know what, but, to him, it seemed like anything would be better than "Rachel." Then, one day, his best friend Luke suggested "Reginald," and Reggie never turned back. 

"Why would you want to be called that?!" Reggie's father snorted when Reggie asked if he could be called that instead of Rachel. "Rachel is a perfectly lovely name. Your mother and I spent a month figuring out what we'd name you, and you decided that you don't like it? And out of all other names you choose 'Reginald'? Whatever for?!" 

So Reggie didn't ask again. Not for a long time. 

Luke had a crush. He didn't realize it right away. Actually, he didn't for a long time. All he knew was that he got really excited when the pretty little girl with long black curls showed up. Then, "she" asked to be called "he" and Luke immediately suppressed the fluttery feeling he got whenever Reggie was around. Reggie was a boy, and Luke didn't get crushes on boys. So he couldn't get a crush on Reggie. 

They drove Alex insane. 

Alex could see the way Luke stared at Reggie, before and after he said he wanted to be a boy, like them. The look on his face didn't change. Alex would ask Luke if he liked Reggie, and he would always say no, but not without hesitating. Alex would ask Reggie if he liked Luke, and Reggie would say yes, but always following up with: "he's my best friend. Of course I like him." 

He knew they were both lying. 

But he left it alone. 

Because he knew that they were idiots that weren't going to admit their feelings until they decided to. 

...

When he was twelve, Reggie finally built up the courage to speak to his parents. He was so tired of being misgendered and deadnamed and it hurt every single time they called him "Rachel" or when his mom would buy him a dress because "you'd look so pretty, dear" or when his dad would tell him to stop wearing baggy clothes and trousers because it was improper for a woman to wear things like that. 

"Hey Mom? Dad?" Reggie stood in the entrance of the kitchen nervously, arm wrapped around his chest uncomfortably. "Can I talk to you?" 

They'd obviously just had another argument, as the kitchen was deathly silent before he walked in, but his mom finally cleared her throat. "What is it, Rachel?" 

Reggie winced. "I, um...see that's the thing..." 

He trialed off, and his dad looked up from the paper he was reading. "Well? What is it?" 

Taking a shaky breath, Reggie looked on the ground. "I'm trans. I...I want to be a boy." 

The silence was back. 

"What?" his father asked, grip so tight on his newspaper that he was crumpling it. 

"I said: I don't want to be a girl. I hate how I look." Reggie shut his eyes. "I'm so sorry I wish I liked myself. I really do. But I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I want to be a boy. Please." 

More silence. 

"Honey, but you're so beautiful," his mother said. "Why do you want to change yourself? You're fine just how you are." 

"I don't feel fine," Reggie tried to explain. "As a girl yes I agree that I am pretty but I don't FEEL like a girl. I don't think I'm ugly. I just think that I...I'm not in the right body. I don't expect you to understand, but I just...I want you to help me. That's all." 

His parents glanced at each other. Finally, his dad sighed and put his paper down. 

"You have to pay for it," he finally decided. "We'll take you wherever you need to go, but you have to pay for all of your...things. Whatever you'll use. You know that money is tight for us." 

A grin appeared on Reggie's face. "Really? I...I'll do that!" 

"What?!" Reggie had never seen his mom so angry. "Rachel, you're excused. I need to talk to your father." 

Reggie's heart dropped. 

...

"So your dad is pretty chill but your mom got mad?" Luke rolled his eyes. "It's not like you told them you're a druggie or something." 

"I...don't know if she was mad at me. It seems like she was mostly mad at my dad," Reggie groaned, hugging his chest again as he shut his eyes and leaned against Luke. "It's been a bad day." 

"Dysphoria?" Luke asked. 

"Kind of," Reggie admitted. "But mostly because of how mad my parents are at each other. And also I tried to cut my hair short yesterday and my mom caught me and flipped out. Said that I was going to make myself look like a boy, which was my goal, but she got really mad." 

"That sucks," Luke said sympathetically. "They should come around, though. They do love you." 

"Maybe." Reggie put his hair up in a ponytail and then put the hood of Luke's jacket over it. "Are we still going to the rollerskating rink? With Alex?" 

"You know Alex's parents." Luke rolled his eyes. "They aren't gonna let him go anywhere. So it's just going to be the two of us." 

"Just...the two of us?" Reggie repeated. 

Luke nodded with a wink. "Guess it's a date." 

Reggie's heart soared at those words, but he instead just shoved Luke away. "Don't talk like that, you jerk. It's just hanging out." 

"I know, I know," Luke laughed. "You're buying food, though." 

"Deal." 

...

It seemed like Reggie's dad won part of the argument, and, a few weeks later, Reggie was on the waiting list to start going to therapy to get see if he was eligible to take testosterone. They had no clue when he'd actually be able to start therapy, but at least he was on his way to getting it.

The part of the argument that his dad lost, though, was letting Reggie still appear masculine without testosterone. His mother said that, as long as he's not taking testosterone, he was still going to be female-presenting. 

And Reggie was miserable. 

Luke wanted to ask so many questions when Reggie appeared at school with his hair done in curls, wearing a dress and with mascara and red lip gloss on. Just yesterday, Reggie had expressed how much he hated those things just because they made him look and feel so feminine and he hated it. Then, Luke saw that Reggie's eyes were red from tears and figured that there must've been some other reason behind the new outfit. 

Reggie was trying so hard to keep himself composed that day. He wanted to rip off that dress and put on one of Luke's jackets. He wanted to cut off every inch of his hair and he wanted to wash the makeup off of his face. His dysphoria was going crazy, but he couldn't do anything as he was stuck in school and surrounded by judgmental eyes. 

Alex passed him a note during class that read "Hey Reg what gives?" Reggie bit his lip and quickly scribbled a reply, which said "Don't ask I'll explain after school." After that, Alex and Luke left him alone, but they still kept glancing over at him every so often, clearly concerned. 

After school, they met up in the treehouse in Luke's backyard, but Reggie didn't say anything for a long time. He was busy using the wipes Luke gave him to wash off of the makeup, Alex helping him put his hair up into a bun and Luke helping him pick out a large jacket to wear. Finally, once he was relaxed, dysphoria calmed, Reggie took a deep breath. 

"My mom doesn't want me to be male-presenting," he explained quietly. "She wants me to look like a girl 'for as long as possible'. I hate this. I hate it so much. And I might not get into therapy for months. My dysphoria's only going to get worse the longer this goes and the more female I start to look. I just...I wish I was like you guys." 

"Hey, Reggie, it's okay. You're a guy, even if you're stuck looking like a girl," Luke told him. "We have no clue what you're going through, but...you're gonna get through it, and, someday, even if it takes awhile, you're gonna be in the body that you're supposed to be in." 

"Really?" Reggie smiled slightly. 

Luke nodded vigorously. "I know it. And you're gonna look awesome." 

"Yeah. We'll make sure you do," Alex added. "We'll go and buy you some cool clothes and stuff." 

"That...that sounds like fun." Reggie hugged them both. "You guys are the best. Thank you." 

...

The dysphoria was horrible. Even though Reggie had just received news that he would, in fact, be able to take testosterone shots, he couldn't start them soon enough. It had taken nearly two years for the therapist to approve him for testosterone, and, during that time, just as Reggie predicted, he had started to look more and more like a mature woman. He did everything he could to look more male-presenting, but his mom would always come in and tell him that he looked better female-presenting, that he needed to change out of his comfortable baggy jacket and that he was just being dramatic. 

She just didn't understand

To make matters worse, she constantly-purposefully-deadnamed and misgendered Reggie. Continuing to call him "Rachel" and "she/her." It made Reggie feel worse and worse about him each time he heard it. He was very grateful for his dad's support, limited as it was. He would call Reggie "son" and "Reginald" as often as possible, saying how he always wanted a son and now he had one, et cetra. But there was only so much his dad could do when Reggie's mother was determined to convince him that this was just a phase and that someday Reggie would be fine with being a girl. 

Before Reggie knew what he was doing, he grabbed a pair of scissors from the drawer and started to cut his hair. First an inch. Than two. Then entire chunks of hair came off onto his carpet. Hair that his mother told him he should have pride in. Beautiful, long, black hair that Reggie hated so much. He cut it to his jaw and then stopped, staring at himself in the mirror before he collapsed to the floor in sobs. 

He was horrendous. 

That's how his mom found him. Sitting in a fetal position on the floor, scissors in hand and clumps of hair all over the floor. She looked like she wanted to scream at him, even hit him. But, finally, she seemed to recognize at least some of his pain. She stood Reggie up and took him to the salon, but only to get the jaw-length hair fixed up. Still, she refused to let him cut it shorter. Reggie still hated his hair, especially after it was all curled and done nicely, and he still looked very feminine. But, he was too exhausted to keep crying. So, he just plastered a smile on his face and escaped to Luke's house as soon as possible, throwing a hood over his head. 

Alex was already at Luke's house, both of them sitting in Luke's room studying for the next day's quiz when he burst in, the tears back in his eyes. 

"Hey, what happened?" Luke stood up immediately, grabbing Reggie's hand. "Are you okay?" 

Reggie was shaking. "Please don't laugh." 

"Why would we laugh?" Alex asked. "You're clearly really upset." 

"Because I look horrible." Reggie swallowed down tears as he slowly removed the hood of his jacket. "Be honest with me." 

Both Alex and Luke's mouths pulled into thin lines. Alex stood up, tossing aside his textbook. "Come here. We're fixing this. Now." 

"Wait, what?" Luke and Alex grabbed Reggie's hands and led him out of the room. "Wait how are you going to fix this?" 

They pulled him into the bathroom, Alex sitting Reggie on a stool as Luke pulled out a box from under the sink. Suddenly, they pulled out a razor, and Reggie stood up from the stool, backing away from them. 

"Whoa, hold up! Do you even know how to use that?!" Reggie exclaimed. 

"Yes. Well, Alex does," Luke explained. "We're sick of you being so miserable because your mom won't let you do stuff. Now sit down. We're giving you a proper haircut. Alex will cut, and I'll comb it." 

...

"Guys, how does it look?" Reggie was beginning to get worried as his friends hadn't spoke for the last thirty minutes. "Guys?" 

They were staring at him critically now, before a big grin split on Luke's face. "Take a look for yourself." 

Slowly, Reggie stood up from the stool and walked to the mirror. When he looked, Reggie did a double-take. Tears began to prick his eyes but they weren't sad tears. He couldn't stop looking in the mirror. 

"Oh no, did I mess up?" Alex sounded worried. 

"I look like a boy," Reggie whispered, then raised his voice. "Alex, Luke, I look like a boy!" 

He grabbed their hands and whooped before turning back around to look in the mirror some more. With the baggy hoody, the short hair, and without any makeup on his face, Reggie looked just like a boy. He couldn't believe it. He gingerly touched his face and then his hair as if he was worried that suddenly the girl would appear in the reflection again. But she didn't. It was him. Really him staring back. Then, his face dropped. 

"My mom's gonna kill me." 

...

When Reggie came back him, his mom was, in fact, furious, but his dad quickly shut her down before she could say anything to Reggie. So, during dinner, all she could do was silently fume as his dad gushed over his new haircut. 

"You're looking like a real man, bud." He reached over and ruffled Reggie's hair, smiling proudly. 

"Thanks, dad, but you're ruining my hair." Reggie tried his best to fix it, but had no clue what to do with short hair. "Can you teach me how to comb it?" 

"Absolutely. We'll go shopping next week too. We need to get you a suit for formal events. Your cousin is getting married next week and you'll need something formal-"

"No, we don't need to go shopping," his mom interrupted. 

"Monica I'm getting a bonus next week so we can aff-" 

"No, we CAN'T." Monica raised her eyebrows. "We have bills, remember Charles? From YOU taking our daughter to therapy!" 

"Now listen, Reggie wants to be a man. And I'm totally okay with that, and he said that he was going to pay for as much of the procedure as he can. We can't expect much right now, Monica. He's only in middle school and we can't tell him to spend thousands of dollars on therapy. Besides, insurance has paid for it so far." Reggie could tell that his dad was trying really hard to stay calm. "We don't have any bills. We can get him a suit." 

"SHE will be fine in a dress!" Monica yelled. 

"HE deserves a suit AND to be treated with respect!" Charles shouted right back, standing up from his chair. 

"Well I'M not going to a wedding with family and HUMILIATE myself by having to explain why I have a-" Monica shouted many horrible slurs, "AS A DAUGHTER!" 

The kitchen fell so quiet that they could hear the leaky sink dripping. Reggie was pale. He recognized every single one of those slurs that his own mother had just thrown out like she said them every day. He wanted to cry, but his throat was constricted and he was so shocked by those words that he couldn't cry if he tried. Alex had told them what those words were, what they meant, and why they were used one day after Reggie had heard Alex's parents use them against him. 

But, those had been Alex's parents. Reggie knew very well that they hated people like him and Alex. And they'd always hated Alex anyways, even without knowing he was gay. But this...this was his mom. The mom that had always kissed him on the head and sang him lullabies and read him bedtime stories and had bought him treats and gone on and on about how proud she was of...

Of her. 

Not him. 

Slowly, Reggie stood up from the table, his mom snapping her head over at him. "Just where do you think you're going? Sit down!" 

Reggie ignored her, walking to his room, grabbing a backpack and stuffing whatever he could inside. He didn't want to be here. At least not for tonight. He needed to be alone for awhile. He needed to think. Reggie needed to be away from the yelling and the anger and the hatred. Pulling on a coat, Reggie shoved his feet into his shoes, swung the backpack over his shoulder, opened his window and jumped out. He was about to walk away when he heard a quiet knock on his door. 

"Reggie? Reggie, please come out," he heard his dad call to him. "Reggie? Your mother has left to go on a drive. Please? Can I talk to you?" 

He was about to turn around. Jump back through that window and open the door. Hug his dad and thank him over and over for caring about him. But...he couldn't. He was terrified that his mom wouldn't be gone. That she'd still be in the kitchen and that she'd just told his dad to come and get him out of his room somehow, even if it meant lying to him. 

Reggie turned and walked away. 

Refusing to turn back, Reggie pulled the hood a bit tighter around his head. He didn't turn back even when his dad found his room empty and started to shout his name. Walking faster, he didn't dare look up until he found himself standing at the base of the tree that held the treehouse in Luke's backyard. He would've gone and asked if he could stay inside the house, but it was late by now and Reggie didn't want to wake up Luke or his parents. So, Reggie climbed up into the treehouse, used his backpack as a pillow, and tried his best to fall asleep. 

In the morning, Reggie felt someone wrapped around him. Turning, he saw Luke lying by him. They were both covered in a huge, fluffy blanket and Reggie discovered that there was an actual pillow under his head and that his backpack had been carefully moved to lean against the wall of the treehouse. Luke's face was pressed against Reggie's shoulder, and his arm was slung around Reggie's stomach, holding his hand. 

Was Reggie just startled, or was there a different reason why his heart seemed to want to escape from his chest? 

"Oh, hi." Luke smiled brilliantly even though his eyes were still heavy with sleep. "Good morning." 

"Hi," Reggie said shyly, smiling back. "Um...thanks for the...the blanket and pillow. How did you know I was here?" 

"I saw you climb up into the treehouse last night," Luke explained. "So, when I was sure my parents were asleep, I snuck out and checked on you. You were shivering and it didn't look comfortable to be sleeping the way you were, so I grabbed my blanket and pillows from off of my bed and brought them up here. Then it was really comfy so I just stayed." 

"That...that makes sense. Thank you. Again." Reggie sat up, removing his hood and running a hand through his hair, still not quite believing how short it was still. 

"Hey, Reg. Why did you come here to sleep?" Luke asked. 

Swallowing, Reggie's vision grew blurry as he remembered the night before. "My mom...nevermind...I...I don't want to talk...talk about it." 

"Okay. That's fine." Luke squeezed his hand before letting go of Reggie, standing up and stretching. "Come on. We have to go get ready for school." 

...

Reggie's mom stopped trying to stop him from transitioning. But she still wasn't being respectful. Though Reggie couldn't complain much; at least she wasn't fighting and yelling every few minutes. Reggie couldn't even describe his joy as he went to go get fitted for a suit. Especially since, just a few days earlier, Luke and Alex had bought him a binder. 

"It's an early birthday present," Luke explained. "Take it. Alex and I chipped in together to get it for you. You've told me you want to wrap yourself in bandages and that's bad for you. Use this." 

It was fair to say that Reggie was 90% sure he was in love with Luke Patterson. 

The wedding went surprisingly well. It was mostly family that hadn't known Reggie since he was a very small baby, and so they'd completely forgotten that he was "supposed" to be a girl. They would just come up and say "oh my what a handsome young man you have!" 

Reggie's mother didn't correct them, thankfully. Though Reggie knew that it was only because she was eating up the praise. 

Overall, though, it was a fantastic day for Reggie. He'd never been so incredibly happy. No one misgendered him, even on accident. Even his grandmother-though he was sure it was because of her dementia-was quick to call him "sonny." No one questioned why he was dressed that way or introduced himself as "Reginald." He was just...a boy. That's all he was. Not transgender. Not a girl who was pretending to be a boy. Just...Reggie. 

And that was incredible to him. 

...

Freshman year was supposed to bring incredible things to their lives. It was the start of high school. They were going to figure out what they were going to do with their lives and what their future was going to look like. Of course, Reggie was still struggling with reading, Alex was struggling with math, and Luke was just failing at school in general. They were helping each other out, though, so they were doing better, especially Luke. He raised his grades from Ds and Fs to Bs and Cs and it looked like all three of them were going to pass their freshman year. 

On top of that, Luke had begun plans to start a band. He had ideas for names, songs, et cetra. Alex was-secretly-going to therapy, and he was finally getting dragged out of the horrible depression that his parents had caused him to wallow in for so long. He'd even started to date a few other guys and had-so far-fairly good experiences. And, best of all-in Reggie's mind, anyway-he was going to have top surgery quite soon. Well, as soon as he got the money for it. He still had a deal with his dad, who had ended up paying for all of his testosterone even after insurance stopped covering it. Reggie felt like he had to pay for the top surgery at least. 

"Just a few more years," Reggie told himself. "Just a few more and then I can go swimming and running around with a shirt off and all the things that Alex and Luke get to do." 

Then, Hannah came into the picture. 

Luke had always gazed at her from across the schoolyard, but it was only recently that she had started to look back. Hannah was a senior, but a senior that was young for her grade. Seventeen. She had a pretty round face and a light laugh that Luke claimed was how sunshine would sound. Top of the class and athletic, she was every teen romance's dream girl. 

And Reggie hated her. 

Immensely. 

Now, Reggie wasn't really one to hate people. He didn't even hate the guy who'd kept bullying him because he had given Reggie a very entertaining show once Luke got involved. All Reggie had to say about that event was that there was a lot of blood coming from a nose. And it wasn't Luke's nose. But Hannah...Reggie couldn't stand her. How she started to sit closer and closer to them each day until she shoved herself between Reggie and Luke. How she would not-so-subtly flirt with Luke and collapse into giggles on his shoulder and just...do all the things that Reggie would do with Luke. 

She was slowly pulling him away from Reggie and Alex. 

Reggie always knew that he could never have Luke. After all, Luke was a nefarious Ladies' Man, incredibly handsome and talented and funny. Even the teachers couldn't hate him even though he did almost none of the homework. And Reggie...Reggie was destined to only be Luke's best friend. Which, he thought he'd accepted that fate a long time ago. But that didn't stop the horrible jealousy from gnawing on his every waking thought. 

Luke, on the other hand, was over the moon. He absolutely loved Hannah, and he expressed that as often as possible. They started dating quickly, and they got along really well. Just like Luke, Hannah loved music. She really got to know him in music class when they got paired up for a project where they had to write a song together. Well, they didn't get 'paired up.' They chose each other. And, unknowingly, Luke hurt Reggie even worse by doing that, who had excitedly pulled out a song he'd been working on writing specifically for this project when he looked up only to see that Hannah and Luke were already linked arm-and-arm, busily writing. 

Alex wasn't in music class. Reggie knew no one else. So, he just worked on the song alone. 

When it came time to perform their songs, it turned out that Luke and Hannah had written the most beautiful love song Reggie had ever heard. Their voices melted together so perfectly, Luke's raspy rock star voice such a lovely contrast to Hannah's 'sunshine voice' that was so sweet like crystal honey. 

Reggie felt sick the entire song. 

He wasn't angry anymore. Just...defeated. He could see how Luke looked at her; as if she'd hung the stars in the sky and then lit up the moon. Luke never wrote love songs. He claimed to despise them. Along with country songs as well. He always shut down Reggie's country songs-of course never in a malicious way; mostly teasing-and told him that they were ridiculous. But this song...Reggie was fairly sure that it could classify itself as a country song. 

Perhaps he was just overanalyzing the situation. Maybe he was just being courteous because he was working with a girl. But Reggie knew he was just lying to himself. Hannah had said herself that she couldn't write songs to save her life. Luke had wrote that song. Probably all by himself. 

For Hannah. 

Luke was rarely with Reggie and Alex after that. He would usually start out at their table, but then Hannah would drag him away from them somehow. Reggie didn't mind, anyways. They were too handsy with each other. The disgustingly affectionate couple that always sat as far away from teachers as possible so that they could be practically in each other's laps and who would ditch assemblies so that they could make out in the janitor's closet. 

"This doesn't make sense," Alex muttered as they watched Luke go off with Hannah yet again. "Luke said that he wanted to wait until after he had a band going to get a girlfriend." 

"Of course he's not living up to that. He's Luke PATTERSON," Reggie said bitterly, stabbing the sad cafeteria meatloaf with a bit more of a violent motion than he meant to. "And she's his Miss SUNSHINE. Of course he's going to date her. They're head over heels for each other." 

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Are you jealous, Reggie?" 

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Reggie burst out, slamming his hands on the table. 

The cafeteria grew silent, and then slowly resumed back to their chatter as Reggie shrunk on himself, Alex laughing quietly. "Sure, Reginald." 

"Okay, I'm jealous. But!" Reggie stopped Alex before he could say anything. "I'm JEALOUS because she's stealing my best friend! OUR best friend, Alex! Aren't you a bit...I don't know...mad about that too?" 

"No." Alex shrugged. "It's Luke. I'm happy for him. They seem really sweet together. Besides, I have you. But some friend you've been. I keep trying to talk to you and you'll just ignore me as you stare angrily at Luke and Hannah as they practically eat each other's faces instead of their lunch." 

"Don't remind me that they do that," Reggie groaned, then taking in a deep breath to calm down. "I'm sorry, Alex. What do you want to talk about?" 

"Nice to have you back, Reginald. How about we discuss your burning love for Lucas Patterson?" Alex held out his hand as if he was holding a mic. 

Reggie shoved his hand away. "You're a jerk. And I don't have 'burning love' for Luke." 

"Oh, of course. You're totally right." Alex facepalmed as if ashamed of himself. "How about 'unrequired, undying love that started in childhood?'" 

"You're dramatic, and you're wrong," Reggie argued. "Just eat your nasty, sad vegan stuff and leave me alone." 

"Hey, I didn't choose to be vegan," Alex murmured. "My parents are and this is all we have in the house. Besides, it's better than your roadkill or whatever's on your tray. Did they top it with its blood and guts? 'Cause that is WAY too chunky to be ketchup." 

"Great. Now I don't have an appetite." Reggie shoved the lunch tray aside and rested his head on the table. "You're the worst." 

"Now you're dramatic," Alex snorted, tossing something at him. "This is high school, Reg. Hannah and Luke aren't going to last that long. Sorry to say it, but they won't. Now, have a sad vegan cookie and forget about it." 

...

Reggie couldn't just "forget" about Luke and Hannah though. Something seemed...off about Hannah, but Reggie just couldn't place what. Not until one day when Luke let Reggie crash at his place. Luke excused himself to take a shower and so Reggie was left to sit on Luke's bed for awhile, looking around Luke's messy room. 

Eyes landing on something that probably shouldn't have been there, Reggie's heart rose up into his throat. Or, perhaps his stomach did. Or both. 

"Hey man, I forgot a shirt can you toss me one?" Luke asked as he walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. "Hey, Reggie, you good? You seem kind of...tense." 

Looking down at his hands, Reggie realized they were twisted tightly into Luke's sheets, and he quickly let go. He stood up quickly as full realization of what had happened on that bed dawned on him. Of course, he didn't know details, but Reggie didn't WANT to know. It felt so wrong. So wrong to even be sitting in that room. 

"Luke..." Reggie was trying so hard to keep his voice steady. "So...how have you and...Hannah...been?" 

"Um...good?" Luke raised an eyebrow, really confused. "Why do you bring this up so suddenly?" 

"You...you may want to clean your room better, dude," Reggie tried to laugh lightly as he gestured over to the floor. 

On the floor were many articles of woman's clothing. Some of which should definitely not be left behind. Reggie's ears were turning red and he could see Luke's neck turning red. 

"Oh, I'll, um...I'll let Hannah know that...she left these here..." Luke cleared his throat. "She just hung out with me the other night. Stayed here. She brought...extra clothes. Pajamas and...casual clothes for the next day, you know? She must've just...forgotten these ones." 

Reggie stared at Luke in disbelief, who was avoiding his gaze. "Luke, are you really lying to me about this? I hate to say it but I know girls, man. They don't just...throw their clothes around a room. Especially not girls like Hannah." 

Luke shrugged. "Does it matter? She's my girlfriend." 

"Yes, it DOES matter, Luke!" Reggie suddenly felt angry. Betrayed, even. "This isn't LIKE you, Luke! You've always said that you wanted to take your time with relationships! That you wanted to be CAREFUL! You've only been dating her for two weeks!" 

"Hush!" Luke exclaimed, eyes darting nervously to the door before he walked closer to Reggie and lowering his voice to a whisper. "So what if I lost my virginity to Hannah? It doesn't matter. It's done. I can't go back. Yelling at me won't change that. She's my girlfriend. I love her. Everything's FINE Reggie. Chill out. And we are being careful." 

"Luke that's not what I'm worried about. It's the fact that...you said you wanted to wait for your wife. You had so many rules and limitations for yourself that no one set for you but yourself. And you ALWAYS follow the rules you set for yourself. You wanted to make sure you REALLY loved her and that you were going to spent the rest of your life with her," Reggie reminded him. "Luke you're FIFTEEN. And you've tossed all of that out the window. For a two-week relationship. This isn't healthy." 

"Who are you to tell me what a healthy relationship looks like?!" Luke suddenly snapped. "You've never even dated anyone!" 

"Yes, and there's reasons for that!" Reggie protested. "No one would want to date me once they know who I am!" 

"Exactly my point." Luke grabbed a shirt and pulled over his head. "Don't tell me what to do! You don't know that it's like to be the man in the relationship and you will never know, because you weren't born a proper one! Now stop acting like you know what you're talking about and leave me alone!" 

The words had almost gone over Reggie's head as he prepared to argue with Luke, but then he paused. "...because you weren't born a proper one." Luke hadn't apparently realized what he said either, because he was busy adjusting his clothing so that it wouldn't stick to his semi-wet skin. Reggie bit his lip and looked down before he grabbed his backpack. 

"Hey, um, sorry, Luke, but I...I just remembered I can't be here. My dad needs me, to, um...help him fix our car," Reggie lied, turning and leaving the room. 

"But I thought your dad dropped you off in your car-" Reggie shut the door before Luke could finish. 

"You weren't born a proper one." Those words were stuck in Reggie's head like a broken record. He knew Luke didn't mean it. He was just hotheaded and Reggie had made the mistake of arguing with him. But...Luke had never said anything like that to Reggie before. Sure, he had a sharp mouth and he knew exactly how to insult someone in a way that really hurt, but Luke had never insulted Reggie in such a way. He had always been so supportive and kind and respectful to Reggie. So Reggie supposed that's why those sudden, unexpected cruel words hurt so badly. 

"Oh, hey, Reggie, what're you doing home?" Charles asked when Reggie suddenly appeared in the kitchen. "I thought you were at Luke's house?" 

"Something came up. We can't hang out," Reggie lied. "I'm um...I'm just going to be doing homework in my room." 

"Oh, alright, Reggie. Your mom is coming home with dinner at about six thirty, okay?" 

"Thanks." Reggie smiled weakly before closing the door to his room and sitting on his bed. 

What had happened at Luke's house was a lot to process. The words he said had hurt, yes, but Reggie was now more concerned than angry. This wasn't like Luke. Not at all. Lying, hiding things from Reggie, Alex, and his parents, purposefully insulting Reggie's gender...it was nothing like the Luke he knew just a month ago. Before Hannah came into the picture. It was a very fast and very negative change in behavior. 

It worried Reggie immensely. 

Dinner was quieter than usual, but that was because Reggie wolfed down his food so that he could be excused back to his room for "homework." Instead, he just fell asleep at 7pm. He didn't want to keep thinking about Luke and worrying about him or anything else wrong going on with the world. Because he fell asleep so early, Reggie's mind thought it was a nap and woke him up at 10pm, the time he'd usually fall asleep at. 

He got up, tiptoeing around the house as he usually did at this time. Grabbing a cup, he filled it with water before retreating back to his room. He opened the door and then immediately turned around so that he could close it as quietly as possible. Turning around, Reggie was barely able to stifle the shriek that left his mouth but he couldn't stop the water from falling out of his hand. 

Luke was sitting on his bed, Reggie's window wide open. "Um...is this a bad time?" 

"Absolutely," Reggie hissed. "Don't EVER do that again! That was TERRIFYING." 

"Sorry," Luke whispered sheepishly. 

"It's...it's fine." Reggie sighed, looking down. "Well, at least it was just water." 

He stooped down to pick up the glass and when he straightened back up, Reggie nearly bumped heads with Luke. "Reggie, I mean it. I'm really, really sorry." 

"It's fine, seriously, it was just water," Reggie put the glass on his dresser. 

"No, Reggie, I'm sorry for what I said earlier." Luke put his head on Reggie's shoulder. "You didn't deserve that." 

"Oh. I...kinda forgot about that," Reggie admitted, trying to not stammer with how close they were. "It's fine. I shouldn't have provoked you. It really isn't my business. Hannah...she is YOUR girlfriend. And so...you have a right to do whatever you guys want." 

Luke squeezed Reggie tighter. "It feels nice. Hugging you." 

"You sound like you're drunk," Reggie laughed. "Tired?" 

Nodding against Reggie's shoulder, Luke started to slump against him. "Very. Do you know how hard it is to sneak into a house?" 

Reggie snorted. "No clue." 

Reggie was about to shove Luke off of him so that he could fix the bedsheets when Luke grabbed his shoulders. "Reggie..." 

"What?" Reggie said innocently. 

"Binder OFF to sleep." 

Reggie huffed. "Fine. Get in bed I'll be right back." 

A few moments later, Reggie found himself laying in bed with a sound-asleep Luke wrapped around him. They didn't start like that. Luke just always gravitated towards people whenever he fell asleep and would refuse to let go. Having to wiggle to move, Reggie turned so that he could face Luke. There was something bothering him. Reggie knew it. But he couldn't figure out what. 

"Luke, I hope you realize you can tell me anything," Reggie whispered even though he knew very well Luke couldn't hear him. 

...

Luke couldn't tell Reggie the truth. If Reggie knew, Luke knew all too well that Reggie would find some way to blame himself. In honesty, Luke didn't want his relationship with Hannah to move as fast as it did. She was, in fact, his first real girlfriend. He was nervous and a bit scared and he certainly did not know what he was doing. 

The night she had come over had supposed to be nothing more than just hanging out. He just thought it'd be a good way to watch some movies, get to know each other, figure out the other's likes and dislikes. Luke really just wanted to see how well he'd get along with Hannah, even for just a night. 

But Hannah had other plans. 

They weren't even ten minutes into the first movie when he felt her hand starting to travel to feel up his shirt. Luke had been confused, but didn't quite know what she was doing, so didn't say anything. He thought maybe that had just been on accident, especially since she pulled away after a few moments. But it just escalated from there, Hannah removing his clothing best she could with one hand as the other covered his mouth. 

He remembered saying 'no' several times and then a small, hesitant 'sure.' But...he really didn't want this to happen. Everything that Reggie had said-about him waiting to take his time, Luke wanting to wait to make sure he really loved her, so on and so forth-was all true. And that's why he'd snapped at Reggie. Because he was angry at himself. Angry that he let that happen to himself. 

But he couldn't just break up with Hannah over that. He'd told her that it was okay. And...it wasn't that bad. Even though he couldn't remember part of it because Hannah had her hand shoved over his mouth and nose so tightly that he'd blacked out from lack of oxygen. She's apologized several times once she realized what she'd done. 

So, it was okay. Right? 

Hannah cared about him. She didn't mean to hurt him. Besides, Hannah told him that couples usually did things like that right away. Luke trusted Hannah. 

She wouldn't hurt him.

She wouldn't. 

So why was he having nightmares about her? 

"Hey. Hey Luke." 

Luke's eyes opened to gaze into the soft brown of Reggie's eyes. "Reggie?" 

"Luke, it's me. What's wrong?" he whispered, running a hand through Luke's curls. "You're crying." 

Reggie brushed a thumb across Luke's face, and Luke could feel the dampness smear across his cheek. "Just...just a bad dream." 

"About what?" Reggie asked. 

Luke shook his head. "I can't remember." 

"I think that's another lie." Reggie propped himself up on his shoulder. "But if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine." 

There it was. The feeling Luke had gotten for years. The sudden urge to kiss Reggie and to never stop. But just like every other time, he brushed it off. Luke wasn't gay. He had only liked girls and would only like girls forever. Reggie was his bro. He didn't have a crush on Reggie. 

"Let's just go back to sleep." Luke playfully shoved a pillow in Reggie's face. "You're not a therapist. Don't worry about it. I'm fine." 

Reggie grabbed his own pillow and smacked Luke in the head with it. "Jerk." 

"Try me, Peters." Luke snatched his pillow back. "You'll start a war that you won't finish." 

"You're right. I'm too tired for a war." Reggie reached over Luke to take back his pillow, readjusting it and then burying his face into Luke's stomach. "Goodnight." 

"Um...what're you doing?" Luke asked. 

"This was how we were sleeping," Reggie explained, curling closer. "It's comfortable. Now sleep." 

Luke was on the verge of panicking just from seeing how small Reggie suddenly seemed. "Reggie...Here." 

He sat up, grabbing Reggie and pulling him close so that his head was tucked under Luke's chin. Reggie decided he did like this better. He could smell Luke's cologne as Luke always sprayed it across his collarbone and also it was much warmer once Luke's arms were around him. 

This felt...almost natural. Normal. Just how things should be. 

"I'm really glad that I have you in my life, Luke," Reggie whispered. "You're my best friend." 

...

The next day, Luke couldn't stop thinking about Reggie. Not for a moment. Every time Hannah brushed against him and he started to feel the panic rising in his throat, Luke would shut his eyes and picture the dark honey-brown of Reggie's eyes, and how they almost looked like they had gold flecks in them when he looked up into the sunlight. And his smile...he lit up entire rooms whenever he smiled. It hurt Luke's heart every time Reggie would cover his mouth when he smiled because he knew it was from when he had braces for a few years and kids would relentlessly bully him for it. 

Absentmindedly, Luke began to write. 

"What's this?" Hannah asked, snatching the paper from him. 

Luke panicked, grabbing it back. "It's...it's a surprise." 

"Hm." Hannah raised an eyebrow, then grinned. "For me?" 

"Y...yeah." Luke faked a smile back. "Yeah. You can't read it." 

"Well, I'm excited for when I can." Hannah kissed his cheek. "Want to come to my house tonight?" 

Luke swallowed. "I...I don't think-" 

"Oh, no, none of that, silly." Hannah leaned against the back of her seat. "To meet my family." 

"I was just going to say I'm busy," Luke explained. "I need to help my mom with some things." 

Hannah pouted. "Sweetheart, I already told them you'd be there! AND I worked so hard to make dessert for tonight. I would be so heartbroken." 

Biting his lip, Luke looked at the ground. "I'll...find some way to come." 

Hannah smiled beautifully, but...not as beautifully as Reggie. "Thank you, honey. I'm gonna run to class now." 

As soon as Hannah disappeared, Alex and Reggie appeared in front of him. Reggie. Luke's heart jumped, but he forced it to settle down. 

"Well we WERE going to invite you to go walk to the pizza place down the street for lunch, but it looks like you're too busy...'honey.'" Alex pretended to gag before walking away. "C'mon Reg." 

Reggie shot Luke a worried look before chasing after Alex. "Hey, um...shouldn't we wait to see if he wants to come with us?" 

"Didn't you hear him? He dropped plans with his mom to go to her house. His MOM! Of course he's not gonna come with us to go get pizza," Alex huffed. "I'm starting to think you're right, Reggie. I don't like Hannah either."

"Yeah." Reggie looked back. "But Alex please can we go back and ask him again I'm sure he wants to go." 

Alex rolled his eyes. "Reggie, he's going to say 'no.' All because of Hannah. Forget it. He's dropped us. We're nothing to him now as long as he has Miss Honey by him." 

Sadly, Reggie agreed with Alex. It definitely seemed as though Luke was tied to the hip with Hannah. They were never seen apart anymore, even outside of school. That night Luke had spent at Reggie's house was the last time he was able to spend any time with him at all. 

It really hurt. But not because Luke was doing it purposefully. Reggie could see how Hannah dragged him away now. How she ignored his protests and would manipulate him to say "yes." That only made Reggie hate her even more. Luke was the sweetest guy he knew, and Reggie knew that Luke would do anything for anyone he loved. 

And Hannah was taking complete and total advantage of that. 

...

Luke walked up to Hannah's house, which made it clear to him that she was rich. At least, her family was quite well-off. It wasn't really a mansion, but it was a far larger house than his own home. And, as far as he knew, Hannah was an only child. 

He walked up to the front of the house and rang the doorbell. Waiting there, Luke prayed over and over silently that no one would answer the door and that he'd get to leave. But, he had no such luck. Hannah swung the door open, and Luke's stomach dropped. She had definitely plotted this as a way to tempt him into her bed. 

It wasn't really what she was wearing. Luke didn't have a problem with girls wearing whatever they wanted. That was their choice, and it was his fault if he got distracted by it. His mom told him so. But it was the fact that her family was nowhere to be seen and the look that she was giving him that that tipped him off that this was not a dinner with her parents. 

"Come on in, Sweetheart." She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "My parents are running late. Meeting went over time. But that's fine." 

"Yeah...that's...that's fine." Luke grinned sheepishly at her. "Are we just...going to wait for them?" 

"Of course not! That would be very boring. We're gonna watch a movie," Hannah explained. "What do you want to watch?" 

About thirty minutes into the movie, Luke finally began to relax. It seemed like Hannah hadn't, in fact, had anything else in mind for them to do while her parents were gone. They were just going to sit and watch a movie. Maybe even have a normal conversation. Things were going well. 

But then they weren't. 

"I'm leaving." Luke rushed to the front door as he buttoned up his shirt. 

"Luke, come on, where are you going?" Hannah chased after him, grabbing his wrist. "My parents are going to be home soon!" 

"I'm getting the feeling that they aren't, Hannah," Luke snapped, though his voice wasn't raised. "Why would you go and start trying to undress me when they could show up at any moment?! I told you this a few days ago, Hannah, I want to slow down! Please." 

"What?!" Hannah exclaimed. "No, a few days ago, you told me that you thought that we had a great future in front of us!" 

"If...if we slow down. Yeah, that's what I said, but only if we slow down," Luke corrected her. 

"Sweetheart, why slow down when we're already here? We're doing good here." Hannah stepped forward, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him in for a kiss, the second hand working to unbutton the shirt again. 

Luke pushed her away. "Hannah, I'm serious! Stay OFF of me!" 

Hannah's expression changed so quickly that Luke flinched. He'd seen her angry before. It wasn't a fun experience. Her temper could match his, and was probably even worse. Luke may have known how to insult someone in a way that hurt, but Hannah knew how to viciously rip a person apart piece by piece until there was nothing left but a shell of shame and self-hatred. 

"Are you afraid of something, Luke Patterson?" she whispered. "Of course you are. Don't try to say otherwise. You know what? I've had to carry this relationship from the beginning, Luke. You've done NOTHING for me. You want to know why I was willing to do that? Because you're young, and you don't know what you want! You're saying we're moving too fast, but I think it's just because you don't want to give me what I want!" 

"No, Hannah, that's...that's not it," Luke started to stutter, as he usually did when he got nervous or excited. In this case, he was very, very nervous. "Hannah, you know that I love you." 

"Do you though, Luke?! You say that every single day and yet you are so quick to tell me 'no' and that we have to 'slow down' and that you 'aren't ready.' Stop lying to yourself and to me, Luke. EVERYONE knows that all a guy wants is to get is girl in the sheets. So what is it? Am I...am I ugly to you?!" Hannah's eyes were filled with tears. 

"You're beautiful, Hannah, this isn't...I don't...I-I..." Luke wished he could rip out his tongue and stop tripping over it. "H-Hannah I-I-I don't want you to...to think...think that..." 

"And that's ANOTHER thing!" Hannah hissed, tears dripping down her face. "Do you just PRETEND that you're stupid or are you really? You know, it's ONE thing to act stupid to try and get a girl's attention, but do you REALLY need to ask how 'science' is spelled?! That's basic elementary spelling!" 

"I'm d-dyslexic, Hannah, I told...I told you." Luke began to fiddle with his hands. "I...I couldn't remember if it was 'i' or 'e' first." 

"It's not that hard, Luke! You just need to focus more!" 

"It's...it's not...not that easy-" 

"Do you have to argue with everything I say?!" Hannah interrupted. "And QUIT stammering! You sound like a child!" 

Luke swallowed, looking at the ground. "S...sorry. I-I...I can't." 

"No WONDER you're failing school! You know, I thought it was just because you could care less about your classes. But you couldn't succeed even if you TRIED. I'm sick of having to be a part of this one-sided relationship. Now get out." Hannah dragged him to the door and swung it opened. "If you wanted to stick around, then you would've done what I wanted." 

"W...Wait, Hannah. Please. Don't," Luke begged. "Hannah, I really do love you." 

"What, am I hurting your feelings? You should've thought about how you were hurting mine first!" she yelled. "I SAID get OUT!" 

"It does hurt, Hannah! It hurts because I love you, and you're acting like you can just mess with me, and that sucks," Luke whispered. 

"We're. Done," Hannah growled. "I got what I wanted." 

She pushed him out of the door, slamming it shut. Luke could only stand there, bewildered and unbelievably confused, having no clue what had just happened. 

...

"Oh well, won't you look at that. Luke's decided to drop his Miss Honey and come join us." Alex crossed his arms as Luke sat down next to them. "So, how's your love life? Did you have a minor argument? Accidentally call her 'darling' instead of 'love'? What is it?" 

"Alex, stop," Reggie whispered. "Just look at him." 

"My love life is great, thanks for asking," Luke said through clenched teeth. "Wonderful. She dumped me yesterday." 

"Oh. Um...sorry, man," Alex said sheepishly. "But, hey! At least you still got us to hang out with!" 

Luke didn't reply, just folding his arms and putting his head on the table. Alex and Reggie glanced at each other, Reggie shrugging. He didn't know what to do. He'd never had to deal with any of his friends being heartbroken before. Sure, Alex had been broken up with before and he'd ended relationships himself, but he'd never been hurt about it.

"Guys, am I stupid?" Luke suddenly asked. 

"Do you make stupid decisions? Certainly. Are you intellectually stupid? Absolutely not." Alex patted his shoulder. "It's not your fault that you can't read, and...only sociopaths like math." 

"Hey!" Reggie protested. "I like math! It's fun! Luke, you're not stupid at all. Why would you ask that?" 

"I'm just...wondering." Luke sighed. "I wish I didn't stammer. I makes me sound like an idiot." 

"Your stammering is endearing. Now, stop with the self-deprecating comments. They aren't good for you," Alex told Luke. "I should know." 

"'Endearing'?" Luke let out a snort, not lifting his head from his arms. "More like infuriatingly annoying." 

Again, Alex and Reggie glanced at each other. This wasn't like Luke. Luke usually had an almost staggering amount of confidence. They were talking about the kid who-in middle school-filled his name out as "Coolio SwagBoy" on his graduation form as a joke only to learn that he was going to get called up to get his "diploma" with that name. It of course wasn't an official graduation; that particular middle school just liked to have a faux graduation at the end of the year for some reason, and it was always incredibly boring. 

It sure hadn't been boring that year. 

Emily and Mitch hadn't known whether to cry, laugh, or just die inside when "Coolio SwagBoy" was called and their son walked onto stage. Luke had proudly grabbed his diploma and just soaked up the laughter coming from the crowd. He'd always loved being the center of attention. Hence his troublemaking nature. Luke would do anything or act any way in order to get people to laugh, smile, or even just light up a tiny bit. He wasn't afraid of being annoying, loud, or even borderline rude. 

And suddenly, all that confidence was gone. 

"Hey, Luke!" Reggie exclaimed in a cheery voice. "My dad made homemade donuts! Want one?" 

Luke looked up slightly, and then-much to Reggie's despair-shook his head. "I'm not hungry." 

Alex placed a hand over his heart. "Luke PATTERSON...not HUNGRY?! You're lying and you're just sad." 

"No, I'm really not hungry!" Luke snapped. "Leave me alone." 

Reggie and Alex were silent for the rest of lunch, not wanting to anger Luke again. This behavior was even more worrisome to Reggie, and he could tell that Alex was worried now. Luke usually loved to tease and joke along with them, but now he was snapping at them for it. And Alex was right; Luke not having an appetite was pretty much unheard of. Surely he wasn't that upset over the breakup. 

When the bell rang, Luke left as quickly as he could, muttering good-byes to Reggie and Alex. Alex sighed, he and Reggie both starting to gather their things. 

"I think Miss Honey broke Luke," Alex muttered. 

...

Saying that Hannah "broke Luke" was an understatement. Reggie didn't want to be around Luke anymore, and that broke his heart. Luke had just become too unpredictable. He was either in a really good mood or a really bad one. No in between. And when he was in a bad mood...that was scary. Very scary. He was quick to snap and he'd shout and yell and then his eyes would grow wide and he'd apologize over and over. 

Reggie knew that he didn't mean to act this way. But he didn't understand why Luke was acting like this. 

It only got worse. 

Reggie and Alex were walking down the halls one day when a junior girl-Elizabeth-marched up to them. She shoved a piece of paper into Reggie's hands with a furious look. 

"Give this to Luke. And I hope you realize what an awful person you have as a friend!" she exclaimed, turning to stomp away. 

"Whoa, whoa, Elizabeth, slow down!" Alex blocked her path. "You can't just tell us our best friend in a horrible person and then not offer an explanation!" 

"Yeah, act like you don't know that he's been sleeping around with the ENTIRE Sophomore class!" If looks could kill, both Reggie and Alex would be dead under Elizabeth's gaze. "And that includes my SISTER!" 

Reggie could practically feel his heart die. "What?" 

"It's common knowledge that after Hannah broke up with him, he immediately started up a relationship with Nicole Banners that lasted for a week. Then he dated Ryann David, but only for three days before he broke up with her. He had a two-week relationship with Patricia Lewis, then broke up with her too before dating my sister! And don't get me started on all the girls he's had one-night stands with!" Elizabeth glanced between Reggie and Alex's shocked faces. "You two really didn't know?" 

Reggie shook his head slowly. "This...is all news to me." 

"Um..." The anger drained from Elizabeth's eyes. "Then, um...please don't read that letter. Just...give it to him. Alright?" 

"Elizabeth, what's in the letter?" Alex asked calmly. 

"Nothing!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "Well, clearly SOMETHING but it's nothing you guys need to know!" 

As Elizabeth argued with Alex, Reggie slowly opened the crumpled paper, and he grew pale. "You can't give him this!" 

Elizabeth whipped around. "I TOLD you not to read it!" 

"What does it say?" Alex ran over to Reggie and looked over his shoulder. "And...this is why I'm gay." 

"We don't know if it's for sure!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "She just...thinks so." 

There, written on the page were the words "Luke I think I'm pregnant." 

...

"How are we supposed to tell him?!" Reggie tapped the table in front of them nervously. "We can't just tell him!" 

"I think we SHOULD just tell him," Alex grumbled. "Maybe it'll wake him up to how stupid he's acting. When he asked us if he was stupid, I didn't think that'd be foreshadowing." 

"I'm so confused," Reggie groaned. "What happened?!" 

"I'm not sure." 

"Hey guys, what's...why do you both look like someone died?" Luke asked as he appeared at the table, smile disappearing from his face. "Um...why are you staring at me like I've died?" 

"Because you're gonna be dead if Elizabeth finds you," Alex warned him. 

"Wait...why?" Luke's eyebrows creased. 

"Reggie, give it to him." Alex nodded. 

"But-" 

"Just give it to him." 

With shaking hands, Reggie handed the paper over to Luke. "Sorry. I didn't want to give this to you, but Alex is insisting on it. She said that she isn't sure yet, but..." 

Confused, Luke squinted at the page before shaking his head. "Really Reg? You know I can't read handwriting. It's almost impossible." 

"Elizabeth's sister might be pregnant," Alex said without missing a beat. "She thinks that it's yours." 

"Dude!" Reggie hissed. "Can't you be a LITTLE more gentle?" 

Luke went pale just like Reggie had. "What? Really? Guys, don't mess with me. What does this really say?" 

"That...that's what it says," Reggie begrudgingly confirmed. "Luke, what is going on? This isn't like you. Not at all. At the very least I'd think you'd play it safe and at first I was really angry about you acting this way but...now I'm just worried. Do you even...still want to start a band?" 

Ears and neck turning red, Luke slowly crumpled the paper in his fist before slamming it on the table. "No, I don't! Who would even care about any band I make anyway?! Apparently I can NEVER be good enough at anything to make it matter! Tell Elizabeth I'm sorry and also to NEVER let her sister or her supposed baby get close to me ever again because I might end up losing them too! Oh, and while your at it, you both may as well end our friendship too! I know that's going to end soon anyways because apparently I'm an awful, horrible person!" 

He stormed away, and Reggie was left with an empty feeling in his heart. "Alex, what do we do now?" 

"I really don't know Reggie, but we have to do something." Alex watched Luke leave the cafeteria. "I'm worried we're going to lose him forever." 

...

When Reggie got home, he collapsed onto his bed as he usually did nowadays. He was so tired in so many ways. His body was tired. His mind was tired. And his emotions were the most exhausted of them all. Reggie just wanted Luke back. The old Luke. Reggie couldn't hate this new Luke, because he knew he was hurting, but he just wished the old Luke could come back for a few moments, because Reggie knew that he'd tell him why the new Luke was hurt. 

Eventually, Reggie started on homework, but he couldn't focus. Something just didn't seem right. Luke's words kept bugging him. Surely he didn't actually think that their friendship was going to end. Had Alex and Reggie made it seem like that? Had they been to harsh? Well, Alex had been, but it was normal for Alex to be unmercifully blunt in situations like that. 

"Hey, Reggie, it's for you." Charles appeared in his doorway, holding out the house phone. 

"Oh. Thanks." Reggie stood up and walked into the hallway, grabbing the phone. "Hello?" 

"Hi, Reggie, we're so sorry to bother you." It was Emily. "Is Luke with you?" 

"No, he's not," Reggie replied. "Why? Is he not home?" 

"He's...not with you?" Emily's side went quiet for a moment. "Is he with Alex?" 

"Not that I know of. I don't think they'd be hanging out right now anyway. Luke is...kinda mad at him right now," Reggie admitted, his heart sinking. "Did you check in the treehouse in your backyard? He likes to do homework up there sometimes." 

"Mitch went up there. Luke's not there either." Reggie could hear the panic thicken in Emily's voice. "Well, thank you. We think we know where he is now." 

Reggie knew that was a lie. 

"Alright. Just let me know if you don't find him," Reggie said before hanging up. "Dad, can you drop me off someplace?" 

...

When Reggie and Luke were in fourth grade, they'd found an old bridge on a little-used hiking area that was near the beach. The pathway was overgrown, but visible, and the bridge went over a rushing stream that poured out into the ocean. The water below the bridge was dangerous, and they knew that, but being idiotic fourth graders, they thought that the bridge was the best place in the world. 

Reggie didn't know why, but he felt like Luke would be there. 

"Luke?" he called out softly. "Luke?" 

He looked around at the scene. It was nearing wintertime, and-while the days still didn't get that cold-the nights could be bitingly, miserably cold. Frost was already gathering on the still-green leaves and grass, and the silvery moonlight that reflected off of the rusty bridge and churning water below only made it seem more eerie and cold. 

"Luke, are you here?" Reggie asked. 

Wandering over to the bridge, Reggie didn't dare get on the rotting wood planks but he did go on his tiptoes to look down at the water. For a moment, he thought he saw a figure in the water. Panic twisted his stomach until he realized it was just large fish fighting against the current to go back upstream. 

"What, did you think I jumped?" Reggie spun around to see Luke sitting under a tree. "Despite popular opinion, I'm not that dumb. Besides, that'd be a pretty miserable death. Drowning doesn't sound like the best way to go." 

Despite the grin on Luke's face, it was pretty easy to tell that he'd been crying. Also, he was shivering, wrapping his sleeveless jacket as tightly as he could around himself. Reggie walked over to Luke and sat down behind him. Silently, they both watched the water rush by as Luke laid his head on Reggie's shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. 

"You've been saying that a lot lately," Reggie pointed out. "And for what reasons?" 

Luke didn't answer his question. "Do you remember when we'd come out here all the time? And one time, we sat on the edge of the bridge, looking down at the water below. We tossed rocks in, wondering if there was some way for us to fish in this stream because we could see hundreds of fish just sitting below us." 

"Yeah, I remember that," Reggie replied. "I don't think we could do that again. I'm sure the wood would give under us as soon as we stepped onto the bridge." 

"Do you also remember Alex's face when I snuck a cat into school in fifth grade?" Luke continued, letting out a small laugh. "He was so mad at first, thinking we'd get in trouble. But then...he wouldn't let go of it?" 

"The teacher found it and we were so scared that she'd make us get rid of the cat somehow. But she loved that cat just as much as Alex did." Reggie brushed Luke's hand with his fingers. "What ever did happen to that cat?" 

"My parents found the original owners," Luke answered, falling silent. 

"Luke, what's wrong?" Reggie took Luke's hand into his own. "You're hurting so badly." 

Luke squeezed Reggie's hand tightly, shutting his eyes. "I hate myself, Reggie." 

Reggie sat up, letting go of Luke's hand so that he could reach up to cup Luke's face. "Luke, how could you say that? Why are you saying that? You've never hated yourself. What happened?" 

Looking into Luke's eyes, Reggie could see so much pain in them. "I'm disgusting, Reggie, how can you stand to look at me? I've done so many horrible things. I've used people. I've treated them like they're dirt. I...I tossed them aside. Even after...I...I was tossed aside so carelessly...even though I know...how badly it hurts...They trusted me, Reggie, why would they trust me?" 

Hands reaching out, Luke put his head back on Reggie's shoulder, body shaking from sobs. "Reggie I hate myself so much." 

"Shh, Luke, it's okay," Reggie said quietly, holding Luke closer. "Hey...I got some good news, once you feel ready to hear it." 

They sat there for a few moments, Luke taking slow breaths as he tried to compose himself. It was so strange for Reggie, being the one who quietly spoke to Luke to calm him down and being the one holding him. Luke was usually the one there for him. Never before had Reggie seen him in such a broken and vulnerable state. Finally, Luke pulled away from Reggie, wiping his eyes and taking one more shuttering breath. 

"I'm okay now," he decided. "I'm good. But don't you dare tell Alex what I said. He'll force me to go to his therapist." 

"You probably should go to a therapist to at least learn how to manage your temper," Reggie pointed out. 

"Yeah, that would be a good idea," Luke agreed. "So, what's the good news?" 

Reggie's face broke into a huge smile. "I've saved up enough money for a top surgery." 

Luke's mouth dropped open. "What?! How?!" 

"I've been doing odd jobs." Reggie shrugged. "Mostly on weekends. Ever since my dad told me I'd have to pay for my surgery. And today, we looked in my account and I have enough." 

A little bit of the old Luke broke through, and Luke's eyes widened and started to shine and he flashed that beautiful, sweet grin that never failed to make Reggie's heart jump. "Reggie that's amazing news! Not just good news! Don't you have to be eighteen for that? Oh yeah! Your parents can approve of you getting top surgery earlier." 

Luke laughed, standing up and lifting Reggie up into his arms, spinning him around. "Luke! Put me down!" 

"But, Reggie, this is the best news I've gotten in...a REALLY long time!" Luke complied, putting Reggie down but not before giving him a big kiss on the forehead. "Have you told Alex yet?" 

"No," Reggie admitted, turning a bit pink and grateful for the darkness hiding the blush. "I...kinda wanted to let you know first. Because you knew about me transitioning first, and you're always able to help me with dysphoria and...it just felt right, you know?" 

His smile disappeared, but Luke didn't look hurt or upset. He looked touched. Luke pulled Reggie in for another hug. 

"Thank you," he whispered. 

"You're the best, Luke. I wouldn't have made it through these last few years without you here," Reggie told him. 

...

Reggie looked up at the hospital building, taking a deep breath. Luke had insisted that he come along, and Alex was sad that he couldn't but he knew that his parents wouldn't let him go. So Charles had dropped Reggie and Luke off at the hospital and he was looking for a place to park. A few moments later, Charles ran up to join them. 

"Well, today's the day." He smiled warmly at Reggie. "You ready?"

"To go under a knife? Absolutely not," Reggie laughed nervously, feeling Luke's hand slip into his own. 

"Hey, it's gonna be great." Luke kissed Reggie on the cheek. "We need to plan an all-day trip to the beach or something once you're all healed up. You haven't swam in ages." 

Charles raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. 

"Thanks, Luke." Reggie held Luke's hand in both of his own and squeezed it before letting go. He took a deep breath. "I'm ready." 

...

Luke waited for Reggie to be out of surgery for the entire five hours the procedure took. Charles left about two hours in, saying he'd be back with some food for Luke and to see Reggie once he came out of surgery. But Luke refused to leave. He couldn't. He just had the feeling that Charles wouldn't be back in time. Which he wasn't. 

"Hey, you're Reginald's friend, right?" a nurse asked, and Luke nodded vigorously. "Follow me. Linda, when his dad shows up, lead him to the room, okay? Thanks." 

Nervous jitters built up, ricocheting around his chest. He didn't quite know what to expect. It wasn't like Reggie was going to be a whole new person after this, but, in a way, he was. The nurse opened a door and led Luke inside. Reggie was fast asleep on a hospital bed, all sorts of tubes and monitors around him. 

"Is he okay?" Luke asked in a worried tone. "That's a lot of stuff around him." 

"Oh, he's fine. This is just here to make sure he comes out of anesthesia alright," she assured him. "He'll wake up in a few moments." 

As Luke waited, Charles appeared, breathless. "Oh good. He hasn't woken up yet. How did it go?" 

"The surgery was very successful," a doctor with a gleaming smile replied. "There weren't any complications and he should be able to leave once the anesthesia wears off." 

Charles sighed in relief. "Thank goodness." 

Just then, Reggie started to rouse, and he looked around the room in confusion. "Wait...where's the food?" 

Luke stifled a snort. "Hey Reg. How are you feeling?" 

The doctor laughed. "I wouldn't interrogate him right away. He's going to be a bit woozy for awhile. I have to go get these notes recorded. I'll be right back." 

He left, Reggie waving tiredly at him when his eyes landed on Luke and his mouth dropped open. "Wait...am I dead?!" 

"What? Reggie, no you're not dead," Luke laughed, walking over to the bed. "Why would you say that?" 

"Because...you look like an...an angel..." Reggie shut his eyes, clearly not out of the anesthesia. "You're so pretty." 

"Am I?" Luke grinned, kneeling by Reggie. 

"Yeah." Reggie nodded knowingly, opening his eyes again. "The most beautiful person I've ever seen. Like you could kiss me and I'd never be sad again." 

"Oh." Luke's ears turned red and he fidgeted with his watch. "Well, thank you." 

"So, you're sure I'm not dead?" Reggie asked. 

Luke shook his head. "I'm not." 

"Can you kiss me?" 

"I...I don't think I can right now." Luke shuffled his feet, embarrassed that Reggie's dad was there right behind him. 

Reggie looked around the room, his eyes falling on his dad. "Wait...why do I know you?" 

"I'm your dad," Charles explained. "How do you feel, Reggie?" 

"I feel like...like..." Reggie squinted up at the lights. "I feel like I'm...full of bubbles." 

"Don't stare into the lights, Reg, it'll hurt your eyes," Luke laughed, running a hand through Reggie's hair. "Your hair's a mess." 

"No it's just happy." Reggie once again closed his eyes like he was about to fall asleep again. "...what?" 

"I don't know either, bud," Charles chuckled. "You said you wanted food? I'll ask if you can eat something. By the way, Luke, I have food for us too." 

Reggie nodded. "Yes. Food is good." 

"Thank you, Mr. Peters," Luke said gratefully. 

Charles left the room and Luke felt Reggie grab his hand. "You're not going to leave too, right?" 

"No, I'm not," Luke assured him. "Just your dad. And he'll be back soon." 

"With food?" Reggie looked up at Luke hopefully. 

"If the doctors allow it, then yes," Luke replied. 

"So...who are you? If you're not an angel?" Reggie asked. 

"I'm Luke. I'm your best friend," Luke explained. "I have been since elementary." 

Reggie's mouth dropped opened. "Like Luke SKYWALKER?!" 

"I, um...no, it's...it..." Luke saw Reggie's starry-eyed expression and grinned. "Yeah. Like Luke Skywalker." 

"No WAY." Reggie started on a long rant that started with how much he loved Star Wars and that now diverged into why he hated tissues. Luke listened very carefully to whatever Reggie had to say because clearly it was very important to him. 

"Sorry Reggie, the doctors said you can't have solids quite yet because they might make you sick, but they did say you can have some juice." Charles walked back into the room and handed Reggie a cup with a straw. "There you go." 

"Dad did you know that he's Luke?!" Reggie pointed at Luke. "Like Luke Skywalker?!" 

Charles looked over at Luke with a raised eyebrow then turned back to Reggie. "No I didn't know that." 

"He's so cool." Reggie took a sip of his juice, his nose crinkling. "Oh I thought this was water. Hey I wonder what sugar would taste like in water. Or what about HOT water. You know I always wanted to drink hot water-" 

...

Reggie was finally coming out of his anesthesia daze, saying less nonsensical things and actually telling them how he felt and asking questions that actually had answers. And he finally remembered Luke and Charles. Alex showed up around this time, saying that he told his parents that he was going to study group and then he took a bus here to the hospital. 

"So, Reggie, how's it feel?" he asked. 

"I...I don't know." Reggie's face fell. "It feels...weird. Wrong, almost." 

"Hey, you'll get used to it." Alex patted Reggie on the shoulder. "But once you're fully recovered, you can do all KINDS of things. You won't have to wear a shirt to the beach anymore. And you can actually feel like you can swim. Also let me tell you it's SO nice being able to take your shirt off when it gets hot in summer. Poor ladies aren't allowed to do that." 

"What if this was a mistake?" Reggie's voice suddenly caught in his throat. "What if I don't actually want this? What if I just spent all of that money for nothing?" 

Charles looked over at the doctor desperately, who lowered his voice so that Reggie couldn't hear. "This is okay. It's normal. After surgery, some patients will experience hormone imbalances and also doubt themselves. If you want, we can monitor him overnight. It can be pretty bad at first, and we wanted to keep an eye on how this affects his asthma anyways." 

"How much more will it cost?" Charles looked desperate, and the doctor sighed. 

"It depends. I could estimate that it could be about $1000 to $2000 more, at least. But-" he continued before Charles could interrupt. "I'll see if I can do something to lower the cost. I'll let you know." 

"Thank you. I really want the best for him but...we don't have an extra one grand lying around," Charles whispered. 

"I understand." 

Quietly, the doctor slipped out of the room as Luke and Alex were trying to calm a panicking Reggie. 

"I've mutilated myself and for what?" There were tears on his face. "Just for the dysphoria to continue? For me to wish for my old body back?" 

"I don't know how to help," Alex mouthed to Luke. 

"It's okay, man," Luke assured him, putting a hand on Alex's shoulder. "You really only had time to stick around for five minutes. Thanks for coming here, though. Once Reggie's recovered he'll definitely appreciate it." 

"I DO appreciate it," Reggie confirmed. "Bye, Alex. Get home in time so that your parents aren't mad." 

"Bye, Reggie. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" 

When Alex left, Reggie pretty much lost it. 

Charles didn't know what to do except just hug him as Reggie cried and let out all of his feelings. He would switch between crying because his chest was finally flat but then crying because he would look under the bandages and see the stitches and stretched skin and he'd think that he was ugly and deformed. Luke was quietly reassuring Reggie that no he wasn't deformed or ugly. That's just how people looked right out of surgery. Then, Reggie got an asthma attack so Charles and Luke had to step out as the nurses took care of him and tried to get him to calm down. 

So, they sat in the waiting room, finally able to eat the hamburgers that Charles picked up. But Luke could hardly even take a sip of his soda. He was really worried about Reggie, and just how freaked out he was. Of course, he'd learned from friends of his that were trans that this was to be expected. Luke had asked lots of questions to know what to do after Reggie got top surgery and things that Reggie should do. Still, Luke couldn't help but worry about him. He seemed pretty upset when they left. 

"So," Charles started suddenly. "What was that kiss earlier?" 

"What?" Luke looked over at him. "What kiss?" 

"Before we walked into the hospital," Charles explained. "You kissed by son on the cheek." 

"Did I?" Luke averted his gaze and tapped his fingers against his soda cup. "I...I guess I just got giddy...I get overly affectionate when I'm excited...sorry. I didn't even realize I did that." 

"I see." Charles went quiet for a moment. "You really make him happy, you know?" 

"That's what friends are for," Luke said quickly. "Alex and I just want the best for him, and we know that he wants the best for us." 

"I don't think you quite understand, Luke. You've really changed his life. Without your support, he probably would've given up a long time ago," Charles explained. "I'm sure Alex is equally supportive, but how you support him personally keeps him from quitting." 

Luke's smile faded. "What if he quits now? What if he decides that none of this was worth it? What if...what if he really decides he doesn't want to be male anymore?" 

Charles shrugged. "I'm honestly not sure. That is his choice, of course, but let's give it time. I don't think this will change anything about him. It's just a temporary bump in the road." 

"Yeah, I think so too. I just worry about him, y'know? I don't want him to hate himself more because he thinks he made the wrong decision." Luke took a swallow of his soda. 

"I get you. I mean, he is my son." Charles bounced his leg, clearly just as tense as Luke. 

"Why are you so supportive of him?" Luke asked. "I...I mean...it's fantastic that you are, but I'm just wondering...why? Not a lot of people are going to approve of him if they find out he's trans." 

"I've always wanted a son, but...Monica was done after having him. She didn't want any other child. And I think it was partially because she had her daughter. Or, she thought so. Now she just doesn't want another because she doesn't want..." Charles trailed off. 

"For another Reggie," Luke finished and Charles nodded. "That's stupid. He's still awesome. Always has been and always will." 

"I agree with you. I admit that it did take some getting used to. I wasn't sure what to think. But then...I figured why both being angry at him? He's a good kid, does everything he's asked to do, gets good grades, and asks for nothing other than our support and love. I feel it's only fair to give him that," Charles said. 

"You're cool," Luke decided. "And...I'm sorry for kissing Reggie." 

"Don't be sorry." Charles waved his hand with a smile. "He didn't seem to mind." 

...

"Luke?" The nurse who had called Luke into the room earlier came into the waiting area. "Can you come with me?" 

"Um..." Luke looked over at Charles, then at the nurse. "Sure." 

He followed her back down the hallway, her heels clicking louder than before as the halls were far emptier. "I'm so sorry to bother you, but Reginald keeps asking for you and he's not calming down. We're hoping that if you're there he'll finally calm." 

"Is he okay?" Luke asked, worried. 

"He is physically, just not really mentally," she explained. "We think the anesthesia still hasn't quite worn off and also he's having some respiratory issues." 

She opened the door to Reggie's room and Luke immediately rushed into Reggie's outstretched arms. Luke recognized immediately what was going on; Reggie was having a panic attack. It was both caused by his asthma-though that should've passed from him taking some puffs from his inhaler-and from overthinking. Reggie didn't normally have panic attacks. Alex did. But when Reggie did they were bad. 

"Are you okay with me holding you?" Luke asked softly, getting a nod from Reggie. "Good. Do you want water?" 

A shake of the head. 

"Do you want your dad?" 

Another shake of the head. 

"Do you want to talk?" 

No. 

"Do you want me to tell you a story?" 

Reggie nodded. 

"Alright." 

Luke began telling Reggie a story that his mom would tell him all the time. About a girl who lived by the ocean. He couldn't remember all the parts, but it seemed to be helping Reggie, who started to breathe along to the "the waves rushed onto the beach, then back into the ocean. Back onto the sand, then into the water. Sweeping shells onto the rocks, then stealing them back." Luke make sure to slow down during this part, pausing extra long where a comma should be so that Reggie took time to take a nice deep breath. This story helped Alex ground himself, and it seemed to be doing the same for Reggie. 

"Thank you," Reggie finally whispered. 

"No problem, man." Luke pulled back from him with a smile. "How are you feeling?" 

"Better." Reggie shut his eyes and took one more deep breath. "I feel a lot better."

"I didn't hurt you from hugging you like that, right?" Luke asked, and Reggie shook his head. "Good. Do you know what made you panic?" 

Reggie smiled weakly. "You know I don't like seeing things like stitches. I was dumb and looked at my chest and of course that looks mutilated right now. Not the best way to come out of anesthesia." 

"Are you still having second thoughts?" Luke grabbed Reggie's hand. 

"I don't know," Reggie admitted. "I feel great right now. Like...my chest is FLAT, Luke, it's totally flat!" 

A huge smile appeared on his face and Luke let out a sigh of relief. "Good." 

"We still want you to stay overnight," a nurse interrupted. "Just to monitor you." 

"Fair enough." Reggie looked back over at Luke. "Are you gonna stick around? Or head home?" 

"I think I'll stick around." Luke squeezed beside Reggie carefully, even though there was really not room for both of them to lie in that bed. "It's comfy here."

"Hey, hey, hey." A nurse waved his clipboard at them. "There's no space for that! You're going to mess up his IV tubes!" 

"Sorry," Luke muttered, sitting up and standing up from the bed. 

"Are you still going to stay?" Reggie sounded hopeful, his eyes practically begging. 

" 'Course I am, Reg." Luke grinned. 

...

Charles decided that he'd go home to prepare Monica for Reggie's return the next morning. Luke promised he'd keep an eye on Reggie and was now currently asleep on a cramped hospital couch. It'd taken him a long time to finally get comfortable and-even now-we was still tossing and turning because the blanket the nurses had given him wasn't quite doing a good job of keeping him warm. 

"Luke?" 

Luke sat straight up. "Yeah, Reg?" 

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry. You can go back to sleep." Reggie sounded very distant. 

Standing up, Luke walked over to Reggie to see tears streaming down his face. "Reggie, what's wrong?" 

"I can't...I don't know." Reggie wiped his face. "Luke, can you please stay with me?" 

"I am staying with you," Luke whispered. "Besides, the nurses will get mad if I sleep in the bed with you." 

"I don't care." Reggie tried to sit up. "Please Luke, I just don't want to be alone. And you're uncomfortable." 

Luke gently pushed Reggie's shoulders so that he'd lay back down. "Slow down, Reg. Fine, but let me know if I hurt you." 

Reggie managed to scoot a little bit up the hospital bed so that Luke could rest his head on Reggie's stomach and still fit on the bed without his feet hanging off of the edge. Luke had to admit that it was a lot more comfortable than sleeping on the couch, but he still didn't want to risk hurting Reggie as he slept so he kept insisting that the couch was better. 

"That's a lie," Reggie muttered sleepily, running his hands through Luke's hair. "I'm glad you're here, Luke." 

"I'm glad I'm here too, Reg." Luke shut his eyes, feeling Reggie's fingers massage his scalp. "Thanks for not giving up on me even though I was a huge jerk for awhile." 

"You weren't that much different." 

"That's rude," Luke huffed. "I'm serious. I really gave you and Alex a hard time dealing with me. I was horrible." 

"Yeah, you were a jerk, but you're not anymore." Reggie took a few deep breaths, wiping the tear-stains from his face. "I care about you, Luke. It's gonna take a lot more for you to get rid of me." 

Luke opened his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could look Reggie in the eyes. "Reggie, listen carefully: if I ever hurt you-mentally, physically, emotionally-leave me behind. You don't deserve that." 

"You're not gonna do that," Reggie assured him. "You're a good person, Luke. You were just hurt. You were being stupid, yes, and you didn't tell us what was wrong, but you're not gonna do that again. You know better." 

"I'd hope so," Luke whispered. 

...

Right when life finally started to go right, everything went wrong. Reggie had recovered from top surgery and-just as Alex promised-they went to the beach. They went almost every single day to make up for the times Reggie couldn't go due to dysphoria. All the boys passed their classes with flying colors, but then promptly dropped out to join Sunset Curve once they met Bobby. They finally had a rhythm guitarist and Reggie had discovered his talent for bass, so the band was complete. 

Then, they died. Well, Luke, Alex, and Reggie did. Bobby was able to cheat death by being vegetarian. He was always the lucky one and the one with common sense. Luke took back all the times he made fun of Bobby for being vegetarian, but-since learning that Bobby stole his songs- he kinda wished Bobby wasn't vegetarian and had gone down with all of them. 

But Luke couldn't be selfish for long. 

He had Alex and Reggie. Their studio was still there, and they had a second chance at becoming huge. And, they had Julie now. Luke had to admit that he had the biggest crush on her, but he had no clue how a relationship would work between them. Even after the Orpheum, Luke didn't know how it could work. Sure, he could touch her and hold her hand and maybe even kiss her, but there was still the fact that he was a ghost. An immortal ghost. What if he crossed over? Then Julie would be alone. But, if he didn't cross over, she'd still age as he stayed young forever. Then, if she died of old age, she wouldn't be a ghost. She'd cross right over, and then Luke would be the one alone. 

That thought is what kept him from admitting his feelings for her. 

Then again, he wasn't sure if she was his only crush. 

Luke's heart would flutter whenever Reggie would brush his hand against his, he'd smile just thinking about Reggie going on and on about the movie "Solo," and he really, really wanted to kiss every single one of Reggie's cute little freckles on his face. But...that was normal, right? For friends? 

Alex said no. 

"Dude, why do you have to be so thick?" is what Alex actually said as he smacked the back of Luke's head. 

Reggie, meanwhile, was really confused. He was happy for Luke and Julie. They made a very cute couple and their duets were the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. But that didn't stop his heart from hurting. Reggie still loved Luke, and even though he could admit that to himself, he could never tell Luke. Well, sometimes Reggie thought it'd be safe for him to admit his feelings to Luke. But then Luke would switch it around to make it seem like he was just messing around. 

It all started with the "chemistry" situation. 

Alex and Reggie were teasing Luke about his crush on Julie. It was so obvious that it was painful. Then, Luke was standing there, so close that Reggie could feel his breath against his face. He'd wanted to kiss him so bad right then. But he didn't. Because Luke immediately backed away. So, Reggie saved himself with a "girls, am I right?" and left the situation alone. 

But from there, it only got worse. 

Luke was in the mood to tease. He always was. However, never in this way. Reggie was just writing a song when Luke said "You know, you look unbelievably attractive when you bite your tongue and your face is all concentrated like that." Reggie hadn't known how to reply until Luke said "I don't know how the girls aren't all over you, man. We gotta get you a girlfriend." Then, Reggie had just smiled, nodded, thanked Luke, and tried to get the blush off of his face. 

On another occasion, Luke had said "Hey Reg, what do you think it'd be like to kiss another guy?" When Reggie had said he didn't know, Luke had smirked at him, leaned close and asked "Well, why don't we find out?" But then, Julie had walked into the studio and Luke immediately rushed to her asking if he could show her his latest song he'd been writing. 

Luke was just teasing. But his actions bothered Reggie immensely. He felt used. Like he was just a way for Luke to get his kicks in. To get that thrill of seeing someone flustered and stuttering because Julie never got flustered. Reggie knew that Luke liked to tease because of the reaction he got from Reggie. 

And Reggie hated that. 

The final straw was when Reggie and Luke were left alone. Julie was gone on a school trip and Alex was spending some time with Willie. Reggie had been relaxing on the couch, Luke lying on him as they talked about song ideas. Then, the conversation turned to what their lives would've been like had they not died. 

"I'm not sure what would've happened," Luke admitted. "But, I mean, Bobby has a kid so we ALL have a good chance that we would be married and successful and rich and living in mansions." 

"I don't know if I'd be married," Reggie said quietly. "You know that not a lot of people are willing to date a trans person. Well, now there are today, but not when we would've been alive." 

"I'm not sure about that. You're something special, Reg. I'm sure you would've found someone." Luke went quiet. "I would've been the single one." 

"What? There's no way." Reggie rolled his eyes. "You probably would've gotten married first." 

Luke thought for a moment. "Maybe. But you know what? What if we were both single. If we were both still single by the time we were thirty, I'd marry you." 

Reggie didn't know why, but his heart dropped. "Nice...nice to know. I gotta...do something. Bye." 

He teleported outside of the studio, walking away from Julie's house. After he was some distance away, he teleported again. Now, he was standing in front of the bike shack that was where his house used to be. Reggie sat down on a bench, looking at the shack and wondering where his parents were. What'd happened to his dad? Did his parents divorce after he died? Or did they repair their relationship? Where did they go? And how long ago did they move? 

Then, he thought about Luke's words. "If we were both still single by the time we were thirty, I'd marry you." What did that mean? Reggie knew he shouldn't be offended, but he was. Or maybe, he wasn't offended. Just hurt. Hurt because Luke confirmed that Reggie would never be his first choice. Just there in case no one else wanted him. 

"Hey." 

Reggie turned around to see Luke standing behind him, then turned back to keep staring at the bike shack so Luke couldn't see the tears in his eyes. Maybe that's why Luke didn't like him. He was too emotional. Or...maybe Luke just really was straight. Girls and girls only. Luke gave so many mixed signals that Reggie didn't know what to think. 

"What?" Reggie asked. "I'm just thinking." 

"I didn't ask what you were doing. Are you alright?" Luke put a hand on Reggie's shoulder. 

Reggie stood up and turned to face Luke. "No, I'm not alright!" 

Luke was taken aback by Reggie's reaction. "Hey, dude, what gives? Why the attitude? What did I do?" 

"You know very well what you did, Luke Patterson!" Reggie snapped. "Stop PLAYING with me! I'm not a cat-and-mouse game!" 

"Whoa, Reggie, where is this coming from?" Luke's eyebrows creased together. 

"Really? You don't know what I'm talking about? All the times you leaned in to kiss me, all the times you'd hug me around the waist and whisper to me how good I looked? All the times you'd compliment me and then turn it around to how I need to get a girlfriend?" Reggie clenched his fists. "I'm done, Luke. I don't like you doing this to me. Acting like you can just toy with my feelings." 

"What feelings, Reg? I was just messing around." Luke reached out to take Reggie's hand, but Reggie pulled away. 

"I'm never your first choice, Luke! Always second-best!" Reggie's voice broke and he swallowed to try and steady his emotions. 

"Reggie, I didn't mean to hurt you," Luke whispered. 

"But you did, Luke. You hurt me." Reggie looked down. "And you want to know why it hurts more? I...I love you. I love you, Luke. And you're just acting like you can mess with me and...that sucks." 

Luke was thrown back to that day when he was fifteen. When Hannah broke up with him, telling him all sorts of horrible things and making him hate himself and making everything seem like it was his fault. That day still made Luke hurt in ways that he knew he'd never be able to get over. But he never thought he was doing the same thing to Reggie. Not in a million years.

Reggie felt Luke wrap his arms around him and, after a moment of hesitation, he hugged Luke too. Then, he felt Luke shaking. Silent tears slipped down both of their faces as they just held each other, slowly lowering to the ground. They knelt on the ground, Luke's hands around Reggie's back and Reggie's around Luke's neck. 

"I'm sorry." Luke buried his face into Reggie's shoulder. "I'm so sorry Reggie. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to make you feel this way. I'm so sorry." 

"It's okay, Luke. I forgive you," Reggie whispered. "I just...I don't understand. I love you Luke. I'm sorry that I do. But I love you." 

They disentangled themselves from each other, reaching out to wipe the other's tears. As they did, Luke smiled at Reggie. 

"Reggie, you were never my second choice," Luke told him. "I just always thought I was yours." 

"Luke, what do you mean?" 

"I mean this." Luke gently pressed his lips against Reggie's in a quick, sweet kiss. "I'm an idiot for not seeing it earlier. But...Reggie...I love you. I...I don't have any other explanation. I had a crush on you when I first knew you and...let's just say it never went away." 

"You don't care that I'm...like this?" Reggie glanced down at himself. 

"Trans? Absolutely not, Reggie. I love you, and that shouldn't matter to anyone if they really care about you." Luke hugged him again. 

"Nice to see that you two fools figured yourselves out." 

Reggie and Luke looked up to see Willie and Alex standing together, holding hands, Alex looking quite smug. 

"Oh, hey guys. We, um, didn't know that you'd be here," Reggie muttered as he and Luke stood up. "And what do you mean by 'two fools'? We figured ourselves out just fine." 

"Yeah, and I cried on the ground when Willie told me he liked me too." Alex rolled his eyes. "And you guys still call me the emotional one." 

"Um, babe? You did cry on the ground when I told you I liked you," Willie pointed out. "Well, congrats you two." 

"Thanks, Willie," Luke laughed over Alex's noises of indignation. 

"So, do you guys want to join us? We were about to go break into the aquarium," Willie offered. 

"Willie, we're ghosts. We don't break in," Alex reminded him. 

"It just sounds more fun saying it that way." Willie shrugged. 

"Like a double-date?" Reggie asked. 

Willie nodded. "As long as Alex is cool with it." 

"Why not? We have to show these two what a proper date looks like anyways." Alex kissed Willie's forehead. 

"Well, what do you say, Reggie?" Luke wrapped his fingers through Reggie's. "Want to go on our first official no-confused-feelings date?" 

Reggie gripped his hand tightly. "Sounds good to me."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so keep in mind that I am not trans myself and this was all based off of things I researched and was told by my trans friend. Also, all depictions of mental health, dealing with mental health issues, toxic relationships, etc. is written to the best of my understanding. Hope you enjoyed :)


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